Grudge Match

    In the classic Arthur episode "Buster's Growing Grudge", Arthur's best friend Buster holds a grudge against fellow classmate Binky Barnes. The reason for Buster's grudge? Binky "stole" his joke about King Tut and shared it with the class, a joke Buster was planning to use for his presentation. For the rest of the episode, Buster goes from being a normally cheerful class clown to bitter and petty, allowing himself to be derailed by Binky using his joke. 

     While Buster's grudge may seem silly, we've all found ourselves in Buster's situation before and held a grudge against someone or something. Grudges have a way of hurting people, but not the people they're against. Buster's grudge didn't hurt Binky; it hurt himself. Buster was only able to get over his grudge when he talked to Binky about the issue (to which Binky apologized for using his joke).When it comes to holding grudges, we have two options: let it go or let it grow. A grudge left unchecked will only continue to grow and hurt us, not the person we're upset with.   

    There's been times in my life where I've struggled with bitterness or held on to grudges. I'll know in my head that I need to let go of that bitterness or grudge, but truly living that out in my heart can be difficult. The root of a grudge or bitterness comes from feeling hurt or wronged by someone or something. Those feelings can be incredibly hard to shake or let go of. It's not easy to get over feelings of rejection, betrayal, exclusion, and so on. It's easier to hold on to those feelings than it is to let them go. It requires grace and forgiveness in our hearts, as well as our own willingness to move on.

    When we don't tell the person we're upset with about our grudge, they can be oblivious to it, just as Binky was. To them, everything appears. And while seeking revenge or acting vindictively sounds appealing, I've learned that it doesn't make things better. It only creates a sense of emptiness or even regret. Even if someone does wrong me, that doesn't make my retaliation right. As the old saying goes, "two wrongs don't make a right". 

    Part of why grudges can be so hard to drop is because we don't want to move on from them. We don't want to forget the hurt or damage that was done to us. It's not that we want to be a "victim", but that we don't want to forget what happened or how we felt afterwards. We don't have to forget, but we do have to forgive. Grudges and bitterness only hold as much power and influence over us as we allow them to hold. We'll never grow if we don't forgive or let go. Forgiveness brings us the peace and healing that we think revenge will bring.

    This past week, I read through a Bible plan about handling bitterness. The devotionals talked about Ahithopel, a wise, trusted counselor for King David. 2 Samuel 16:23 mentions that going to Ahithopel was "as if one consulted the word of God". Although Ahithopel was a wise and esteemed man, he was derailed by bitterness and his inability to forgive Daviid for what he did with Bathsheba, his granddaughter. This bitterness led to Ahithopel's betrayal of David that ultimately ended in him committing suicide.

    For those not familiar, David seduced Bathsheba, got her pregnant, and ensured that Uriah, her husband, got killed in battle so that he could marry her and cover up the affair and pregnancy. It's easy to understand Ahithopel's bitterness. Adultery, murder, and lying shouldn't be taken lightly. David was rightly rebuked by Nathan for his actions, and one of the consequences was the death of the baby he had with Bathsheba. 

   David went through a lot of grief after being rebuked (see Psalm 51) and was forgiven by God. However, Ahithopel never did forgive David. Conversely, he allowed bitterness to steep in his heart for years and later used Absalom's rebellion as an opportunity to murder David. When Ahithopel's counsel to kill David was rejected and discovered, he went home and committed suicide.

    Ahithopel's story truly is tragic one. His inability to forgive David ultimately led to his suicide when his attempt to murder him proved futile. While David's actions were horrific, Ahithopel's fate highlights the dangers of failing to forgive others. If Ahithopel had gone to God to help him forgive David, his story wouldn't have tragically ended in suicide.

    Hebrews 12:15 warns us about a "root of bitterness" that does nothing but cause trouble and defile us. We can't allow for bitterness to take hold in our lives at all because it will only grow until it controls us. And once bitterness takes control, we destroy ourselves (and possibly others). No matter how justifiable the bitterness may be or seem, it will never help us. Just ask Ahithopel.

    God wants us to forgive others just as He has forgiven us. Paul reminds the Ephesians of that in his letter to them (Ephesians 4:31-32). God sent His Son into the world so that we could be saved from our sins, transgressions, and the punishment that we deserve: death. Christ died for us so that we could be reconciled with God and our sins could be forgiven. If God can forgive us of our sins & transgressions, we can forgive those who have wronged us. What's more, when Jesus was being crucified, He asked God to forgive the people crucifying Him (Luke 23:34). That's really convicting to think about - in the moments leading up to His death, Jesus pleaded for God to forgive the people killing Him. If Jesus can forgive the people that crucified Him, I know that I can forgive others.

    To close, if you find yourself holding a grudge against someone, my prayer is that God will lead you to forgiveness. If you find yourself in a place of bitterness, my prayer is that God would heal your heart and help you to let that bitterness go. I know it's easier said than done. It's something that I'm still working on myself. I hope that you can get there. It brings more peace than a grudge or bitterness ever could. 

    And on a lighthearted note, here's Binky, I mean Buster's, joke: What did King Tut say when the Sphinx scared him? I want my mummy!