Ripped Pants
In one of the first episodes of Spongebob Squarepants (titled "Ripped Pants"), Spongbeob's having fun with his friend Sandy at the beach. That is, until some other friends come along and make Spongebob feel inferior. When Spongebob attempts to be like them and impress Sandy, he ends up ripping his pants, leading to a chorus of laughter. Spongebob proceeds to make an act out of constantly ripping his pants, drawing laughter each time. He may not be as strong as Sandy's friends, but he's got their laughter and attention every time he rips his pants. However, as time goes on, Spongebob's act starts to wear thin on others and loses his crowd when he goes too far (he pretends to drown). Suddenly, the same act that got Spongebob laughter and attention leaves him alone on the beach, feeling like a loser.
With his ripped pants, Spongebob ran into the mistake of failing to quit while he was ahead. However, Spongebob's problem goes beyond pretending to drown so he can make a joke about ripping his pants. Spongebob's problem was that he relied on self-deprecating humor. His whole act centered around his pants getting ripped. As expected, that trick worked for a little bit, but it ultimately ran its course in due time. And what Spongebob learned in the process was that to be Sandy's friend, he never had to make jokes about ripping pants. All he had to do was be himself. The same can be said for self-deprecating humor in general: our friends are our friends because of who we are, not because of jokes that we make about ourselves.
Unfortunately, I can relate to Spongebob's experiences. When I was in middle school, I struggled with a problem other adolescents face: fitting in. It was hard to fit in and feel like I belonged or that I could truly be accepted by others. Just about everyone teased everyone in middle school, too (myself included). That's not exactly a self-esteem booster for anyone. As I processed this all and attempted to find my place, humor was something that I used to cope with all. What's more, I came up with this strategy to help me out: I was going to beat people to the punchline by making jokes about myself first. The good news is...it worked. The bad news is...it worked.
In the moment, the self-deprecating humor worked because it generated laughs, broke the ice, and even got my mind in a "funny mindset", making it easier to crack jokes in general. Humor became a way to fit in, even if that meant occasionally making fun of myself. However, that's where the bad news kicks in. I was trading my self-esteem for a few quick laughs. That may be great in the short-term, but in the long-term, it's not worth reinforcing negative views of oneself. With self-deprecating humor, the way you view yourself changes. If you're constantly making jokes that put yourself down, you start to accept that as truth - and that's no laughing matter. To put it this way, if you're constantly saying that your bank account, love life, etc. is a joke, you start to believe that and accept it as fact, not just a joke. Although it can be good to poke fun at oneself and be self-aware, turning that into a running gag or ongoing joke is a step too far.
There have been times in my life when I've found myself all alone and by myself. However, it's never been as funny as the times that I've joked about it. Instead of being funny because it's true, it's painful because it's true. The same jokes used for laughs become the very reasons that I struggle to encourage myself, love myself, or having the confidence and self-esteem that I want to have. It's not easy undoing years of undercutting oneself with jokes.
Over the past year, I've definitely seen improvement in my life in this area, though I am also aware that I have still have a ways to go. What's been the difference? What's helping me undo years of self-deprecation and underwhelming self-esteem? Well, one area has been from friends. Friend that affirm that I am more than the sum of a few jokes, as well as calling out when I keep cracking self-deprecating jokes. Another area of growth has been through God's grace. When I think about all that Christ endured for our sins and so that we could one day be with God through our faith in Him, it changes my viewpoint. I'm a broken sinner in a broken and fallen world, but Christ didn't die on the Cross just so that I could make jokes about my weaknesses and struggles. It makes me want to see the Will Goodfellow that God sees, the Will Goodfellow that God gave up His only Son for. God doesn't want me giving up my self-esteem for fleeting applause from the world, He wants me to know that I am His.
The last reason I'll point to for growth has come down to will (no pun intended). When I see the man that God sees, the man that I could be, or all that I could do, I start denying myself and think that I could never be that man or reach those goals. I default to denying myself because it's oddly, frustratingly comfortable and it's what I'm used to (old habits die hard, you know). The growth has come from the desire to be the man that God sees overpowering my fears and doubts that I could ever be that. I want to become the man that I could be and do what I could do more than I want to stick with what I'm used to and comfortable with, even if that means facing fears, even if that means facing doubts, and even if that means facing rejection. It's an ongoing process, one that will take time. But I am confident that I will get there, not on my own, but through the help and grace of God, family, and friends.
For Spongebob, the lesson he learned was that he didn't have to rip his pants to be Sandy's friend. All he had to do was be himself. And sure enough, one lesson I've learned is that I don't have to poke fun at myself to have friends. As mentioned earlier, my friends reassure me of that when I make unnecessary jokes about myself. All I have to do is be myself. Moving forward, truly growing and becoming the man that God's called me to be means trusting in Him and desiring to be that person, not backing out because of fears and doubts that I reinforce through self-deprecating jokes. To close I'm reminded by how that "Ripped Pants" episode ends: with a musical number, of course! 20 years later, that line still rings true today; "Be true to yourself, don't miss your chance, and you won't end up like the fool who ripped his pants".
With his ripped pants, Spongebob ran into the mistake of failing to quit while he was ahead. However, Spongebob's problem goes beyond pretending to drown so he can make a joke about ripping his pants. Spongebob's problem was that he relied on self-deprecating humor. His whole act centered around his pants getting ripped. As expected, that trick worked for a little bit, but it ultimately ran its course in due time. And what Spongebob learned in the process was that to be Sandy's friend, he never had to make jokes about ripping pants. All he had to do was be himself. The same can be said for self-deprecating humor in general: our friends are our friends because of who we are, not because of jokes that we make about ourselves.
Unfortunately, I can relate to Spongebob's experiences. When I was in middle school, I struggled with a problem other adolescents face: fitting in. It was hard to fit in and feel like I belonged or that I could truly be accepted by others. Just about everyone teased everyone in middle school, too (myself included). That's not exactly a self-esteem booster for anyone. As I processed this all and attempted to find my place, humor was something that I used to cope with all. What's more, I came up with this strategy to help me out: I was going to beat people to the punchline by making jokes about myself first. The good news is...it worked. The bad news is...it worked.
In the moment, the self-deprecating humor worked because it generated laughs, broke the ice, and even got my mind in a "funny mindset", making it easier to crack jokes in general. Humor became a way to fit in, even if that meant occasionally making fun of myself. However, that's where the bad news kicks in. I was trading my self-esteem for a few quick laughs. That may be great in the short-term, but in the long-term, it's not worth reinforcing negative views of oneself. With self-deprecating humor, the way you view yourself changes. If you're constantly making jokes that put yourself down, you start to accept that as truth - and that's no laughing matter. To put it this way, if you're constantly saying that your bank account, love life, etc. is a joke, you start to believe that and accept it as fact, not just a joke. Although it can be good to poke fun at oneself and be self-aware, turning that into a running gag or ongoing joke is a step too far.
There have been times in my life when I've found myself all alone and by myself. However, it's never been as funny as the times that I've joked about it. Instead of being funny because it's true, it's painful because it's true. The same jokes used for laughs become the very reasons that I struggle to encourage myself, love myself, or having the confidence and self-esteem that I want to have. It's not easy undoing years of undercutting oneself with jokes.
Over the past year, I've definitely seen improvement in my life in this area, though I am also aware that I have still have a ways to go. What's been the difference? What's helping me undo years of self-deprecation and underwhelming self-esteem? Well, one area has been from friends. Friend that affirm that I am more than the sum of a few jokes, as well as calling out when I keep cracking self-deprecating jokes. Another area of growth has been through God's grace. When I think about all that Christ endured for our sins and so that we could one day be with God through our faith in Him, it changes my viewpoint. I'm a broken sinner in a broken and fallen world, but Christ didn't die on the Cross just so that I could make jokes about my weaknesses and struggles. It makes me want to see the Will Goodfellow that God sees, the Will Goodfellow that God gave up His only Son for. God doesn't want me giving up my self-esteem for fleeting applause from the world, He wants me to know that I am His.
The last reason I'll point to for growth has come down to will (no pun intended). When I see the man that God sees, the man that I could be, or all that I could do, I start denying myself and think that I could never be that man or reach those goals. I default to denying myself because it's oddly, frustratingly comfortable and it's what I'm used to (old habits die hard, you know). The growth has come from the desire to be the man that God sees overpowering my fears and doubts that I could ever be that. I want to become the man that I could be and do what I could do more than I want to stick with what I'm used to and comfortable with, even if that means facing fears, even if that means facing doubts, and even if that means facing rejection. It's an ongoing process, one that will take time. But I am confident that I will get there, not on my own, but through the help and grace of God, family, and friends.
For Spongebob, the lesson he learned was that he didn't have to rip his pants to be Sandy's friend. All he had to do was be himself. And sure enough, one lesson I've learned is that I don't have to poke fun at myself to have friends. As mentioned earlier, my friends reassure me of that when I make unnecessary jokes about myself. All I have to do is be myself. Moving forward, truly growing and becoming the man that God's called me to be means trusting in Him and desiring to be that person, not backing out because of fears and doubts that I reinforce through self-deprecating jokes. To close I'm reminded by how that "Ripped Pants" episode ends: with a musical number, of course! 20 years later, that line still rings true today; "Be true to yourself, don't miss your chance, and you won't end up like the fool who ripped his pants".
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