Comfortable Misery
In life, there are states that no one wants to be in, including mediocrity, depression, or misery. These are places that are described as ruts, pits, no-mans' land, or rock bottom when things get really bad. To me, of all these rough states to be in, the worst of them isn't rock bottom; the worst is being in a state of misery - and being comfortable with that.
At first glance, it would appear that rock bottom is worse than comfortable misery. After all, rock bottom is rock bottom because it's the lowest point, when things can't get any worse than they already are. With that, I will concede that rock bottom is a lower point that comfortable misery - figuratively and literally. However, rock bottom tends be more temporary. Comfortable misery tends to last longer (more on that later). Rock bottom also signals that changes need to be made and/or that help needs to be sought out.. As dark and crushing as rock bottom can be, it means taking a step to improve one's situation. It's an uphill battle for sure, but it means that things are trending up. And when you're in rock bottom, that's all you can ask for.
What makes comfortable misery the worst place to be in is that it means being comfortable with being miserable. That's scary in itself to think about. When one's comfortable, one's all settled in and presumably content. One doesn't exactly want to move when one's comfortable, either. To feel settled in and not want to move from a state of misery is a really, really dark place. This isn't something that happens overnight. Getting to a state of comfortable misery is gradual and only occurs when one starts becoming numb to the misery that one's experiencing. Another way of looking at it is resigning oneself to misery and one might as well accept that.
It's hard to truly explain and grasp how dark being comfortably miserable is. The best way I can is through my own experiences with it. There have been times in my life where I felt miserable where I was, including last year. When I tried to get out of that misery last year, I was unsuccessful. In turn, this now made me feel miserable and frustrated. Still, one thing that I'm really bad about is selling myself short, including when I'm down. I don't really want others to know that I'm feeling down or miserable, so I'd try to frame it is as things being miserable, but that things were getting better, even if they actually weren't. Still, that would suffice in small talk and make it seem like I was on an improving note. With that though, I'd deny myself of how I was feeling because I played the dreaded "comparison game" and told myself that others had it way worse than I did. If anything, I should be grateful for what I have as opposed to feeling miserable.
The problem with being in state of misery is that over time, that starts to become the norm. And when it becomes the norm, it starts to oddly become comfortable. One struggle I had with that was denying myself of nice things as though I didn't deserve them. In hindsight, that may have been that I didn't feel comfortable with nice things, so I defaulted to what I knew I was comfortable with. Comfortable reason also persists because change is hard. Even when change is good, it's hard. It's a lot easier to stay the course where one is. Change carries uncertainty and the potential to be worse than the status quo. Naturally, the tendency is to hold on to the status quo, even when the status quo is miserable.
Holding on to a miserable status quo over change is done because change is hard, has an uncertainty to it, and could make things even worse than the status quo. Those are all valid reasons to hold on, reasons that I've held to myself. However, the one thing I've learned is that when you're presented with the options of continuing to live in an unhappy state or making a change, you have to make that change - good or bad. You have to make that change because you have to do something about your misery. You can't keep living in it or let the fear of change control. Even if that change doesn't work out, you can take heart in knowing you did something (no to mention make another change). My line of thinking with holding on to a miserable status quo includes that change could be worse, but I forget that the change could actually be so much better. I've also learned that I don't want to look back on opportunities that passed me by because I was more comfortable with being unhappy.
As 2019 hits the fourth quarter (this year's going by fast), I can start to reflect on some of the changes I've made in my life earlier this year, some as simple as taking vegetables to work so that I'm more likely to eat them and some larger ones like moving apartments. When I look back on these changes on the whole, I can't help but be grateful to God that He presented me with these opportunities for large changes and that I took Him up on them, as well as making the small changes. Even if the midst of the comfortable misery, He was always a constant. So were family and friends. I'm forever thankful for them, too.
To close, if you find yourself in a state of comfortable misery or just straight-up misery, don't be afraid to make that change. It's hard, and there may be snags along the way, but living in a perpetually state of misery is no way to live. Call upon God. James 4:8 mentions that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. Whether times are good or bad, God likes to hear from us (see the Psalms). Call upon your family and friends, too. They don't like seeing you in a state of misery, either. Comfortable misery is a dark place to be in, a place that can be really hard to get out of. Still, the only way to get out is through making a change and taking that chance, taking that leap of faith. Odds are you'll be glad you made it.
At first glance, it would appear that rock bottom is worse than comfortable misery. After all, rock bottom is rock bottom because it's the lowest point, when things can't get any worse than they already are. With that, I will concede that rock bottom is a lower point that comfortable misery - figuratively and literally. However, rock bottom tends be more temporary. Comfortable misery tends to last longer (more on that later). Rock bottom also signals that changes need to be made and/or that help needs to be sought out.. As dark and crushing as rock bottom can be, it means taking a step to improve one's situation. It's an uphill battle for sure, but it means that things are trending up. And when you're in rock bottom, that's all you can ask for.
What makes comfortable misery the worst place to be in is that it means being comfortable with being miserable. That's scary in itself to think about. When one's comfortable, one's all settled in and presumably content. One doesn't exactly want to move when one's comfortable, either. To feel settled in and not want to move from a state of misery is a really, really dark place. This isn't something that happens overnight. Getting to a state of comfortable misery is gradual and only occurs when one starts becoming numb to the misery that one's experiencing. Another way of looking at it is resigning oneself to misery and one might as well accept that.
It's hard to truly explain and grasp how dark being comfortably miserable is. The best way I can is through my own experiences with it. There have been times in my life where I felt miserable where I was, including last year. When I tried to get out of that misery last year, I was unsuccessful. In turn, this now made me feel miserable and frustrated. Still, one thing that I'm really bad about is selling myself short, including when I'm down. I don't really want others to know that I'm feeling down or miserable, so I'd try to frame it is as things being miserable, but that things were getting better, even if they actually weren't. Still, that would suffice in small talk and make it seem like I was on an improving note. With that though, I'd deny myself of how I was feeling because I played the dreaded "comparison game" and told myself that others had it way worse than I did. If anything, I should be grateful for what I have as opposed to feeling miserable.
The problem with being in state of misery is that over time, that starts to become the norm. And when it becomes the norm, it starts to oddly become comfortable. One struggle I had with that was denying myself of nice things as though I didn't deserve them. In hindsight, that may have been that I didn't feel comfortable with nice things, so I defaulted to what I knew I was comfortable with. Comfortable reason also persists because change is hard. Even when change is good, it's hard. It's a lot easier to stay the course where one is. Change carries uncertainty and the potential to be worse than the status quo. Naturally, the tendency is to hold on to the status quo, even when the status quo is miserable.
Holding on to a miserable status quo over change is done because change is hard, has an uncertainty to it, and could make things even worse than the status quo. Those are all valid reasons to hold on, reasons that I've held to myself. However, the one thing I've learned is that when you're presented with the options of continuing to live in an unhappy state or making a change, you have to make that change - good or bad. You have to make that change because you have to do something about your misery. You can't keep living in it or let the fear of change control. Even if that change doesn't work out, you can take heart in knowing you did something (no to mention make another change). My line of thinking with holding on to a miserable status quo includes that change could be worse, but I forget that the change could actually be so much better. I've also learned that I don't want to look back on opportunities that passed me by because I was more comfortable with being unhappy.
As 2019 hits the fourth quarter (this year's going by fast), I can start to reflect on some of the changes I've made in my life earlier this year, some as simple as taking vegetables to work so that I'm more likely to eat them and some larger ones like moving apartments. When I look back on these changes on the whole, I can't help but be grateful to God that He presented me with these opportunities for large changes and that I took Him up on them, as well as making the small changes. Even if the midst of the comfortable misery, He was always a constant. So were family and friends. I'm forever thankful for them, too.
To close, if you find yourself in a state of comfortable misery or just straight-up misery, don't be afraid to make that change. It's hard, and there may be snags along the way, but living in a perpetually state of misery is no way to live. Call upon God. James 4:8 mentions that if we draw near to God, He will draw near to us. Whether times are good or bad, God likes to hear from us (see the Psalms). Call upon your family and friends, too. They don't like seeing you in a state of misery, either. Comfortable misery is a dark place to be in, a place that can be really hard to get out of. Still, the only way to get out is through making a change and taking that chance, taking that leap of faith. Odds are you'll be glad you made it.
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