Losing Well

     Tradition has a way of first occurring without any real explanation, but something manages to "click" along the way and make that tradition. One newfound "tradition" that I've found myself in is listening to a certain song at the end of every work day: Miley Cyrus' "The Climb". It probably would make more sense to listen to a song like "Closing Time" instead, but I think I've unexpectedly settled on song by the artist formerly known as Hannah Montana. In all the times I've found myself blogging on here, I never thought I'd find myself referencing Hannah Montana, but I digress. 

     Cyrus' "The Climb" focuses on being on the path to one's dreams and ultimately realizing the goal is not as much one's dreams and goals but more the "climb" and journey on the way to them. The chorus talks about facing "mountains" and the uphill battle that comes with them. The next line of the chorus proceeds to say that "sometimes I'm gonna have to lose"

     In a world with an "everyone's a winner" mentality, that line in "The Climb" stands out - and provides an important lesson/reminder: sometimes in life, we're going to lose. And when we do, it is important that we lose well. Now, losing well doesn't mean finishing second, keeping things close, or just falling short of winning. Losing well isn't about how we lose - losing well is about how we handle losing. Someone could finish runner-up and handle it horribly. Conversely, someone could finish dead-last and handle it really well.

     The idea of losing well can be a little tough to comprehend, especially considering the emphasis on winning in today's world. The world can be unforgiving the losers or those that make mistakes. Those that lose can get second-guessed for their actions or teased for making simple mistakes. People also naturally want to be told how to win, not how to lose. Still, the fact that we will all have lost before and will inevitably lose again makes it all the more important to learn how to handle losing. 

     In my senior of college, we read Integrity by Dr. Henry Cloud. In Dr. Cloud's book, he talked about 6 character traits that it takes to succeed in business, one of which was Getting Results. One thing that he alluded to with getting results was the importance of losing well. When we lose well, we are able to learn from it. We can learn why we lost and what we should have done differently. When it's clear that we're going to lose a battle, the best thing that we can do is cut our losses and move on. This is also where the psychological term "escalation of commitment" comes in to play, which is the continuing to support a failing course of action. In that sense, an escalation of commitment is the exact opposite of losing well. It's losing poorly and continuing to support losing poorly with the belief that things will turn around (gambling is a good example here). 

     Now, Dr. Cloud's book mainly talks about losing well from the perspective of the business world, but can still be applicable to our own lives. When we lose, we need to lose gracefully. We're not always going to make the right decisions and we will inevitably make mistakes that lead to "losing". There's two types of losing responses that only lead to more losing: denying the loss or being bitter about losing (aka a "sore loser"). To deny losing is to ignore reality and suggests that nothing was truly learned, only that the mistakes that led to losing will continue to be made. The other type of losing, being a "sore loser", wears thin quickly. As a sports fan (and one guilty of this myself), no one likes listening to the losing team's fans. It's always about how the wrong calls were made, certain players were out, or some arcane rule needs to be abolished. In addition to being annoying, the problem with this type of losing is that it doesn't lead to any learning, just excuses. 

     As far as handling losing well, the most important thing to do is to handle it with class. This can be really hard at times, especially in the event of losing to a sore winner. Losing with class requires humility and an acknowledgement that one has lost, giving credit to the winner(s) as well. Losing well also means taking the loss in stride and not beating oneself up too much for losing. For me, when I perceive that I lost or made a mistake, I tend to be pretty tough on myself and let it get the best of me. That's one area of losing well that I'm still working on. Ironically, one way that this gets easier is by losing more and gaining experience. That leads in to the final point about losing well: learning from it. One time when I was telling a friend about something in my life that didn't work out, he asked me at the end if I learned from it. When I told him that I had, he pointed out that value that came from my experience. It also helped knowing that I wouldn't make the same mistake again. 

     Unfortunately, losing is a part of life. With losing though, we can learn a lot about ourselves, maybe even more than when we win. Over the past few months, I've found myself taking on some new roles and responsibilities in my life. In these new roles and responsibilities, there have been times where I've had to "lose well" and acknowledge that what I did or tried didn't work. I've also found myself looking back on decisions I made a few months ago and thought about how there's so much more I know now that I didn't know at the time. 

     There were times last year as well where I found myself losing, though sometimes I found myself looking first looking for excuses and voicing frustrations before taking it all in stride and learning from it. There were even times where I had to make the same mistake before I could fully learn from it all. It's funny how the path to winning is often paved with losing. To be able to win, we first have to be able to learn how to handle losing. Even the most successful of winners find themselves losing from time to time. After all, Tom Brady and the New England Patriots don't win the Super Bowl every year - they only win every other year. 

     Kidding aside, when it comes to losing well, I'll pay homage to my home state of Virginia. Going into March Madness last year, the Virginia Cavaliers were the top-seeded team and favorite to win it all. Naturally, they lost in the first round to UMBC, something that had never happened before. Virginia's historic season became historic for a completely different reason. However, when the media interviewed Tony Bennett, Virginia's coach, following the historic upset, he gave credit to UMBC's players and coach. He told his players that it's a part of life - enjoying the good and bad times. Never once did he complain. Talk about handling a loss with class and humility. Perhaps it's only fitting that the following year, Tony Bennett and Virginia got vindication and won it all.

     To close, I'm reminded of former NASCAR driver Carl Edwards. When Edwards lost the 2011 NASCAR Championship on a tiebreaker to Tony Stewart, he was the first driver to congratulate Stewart and gave him the credit in his post-race interview. A lot of life entails losing. It's not the losing that defines us though, but how we respond to the losing that defines us. I've lost before, and I'll inevitably lose again. If I am going to lose though, I want to be a "good loser" like Tony Bennett or Carl Edwards. After all, I'm already a Goodfellow. 

     Okay, I know that was an incredibly cheesy joke. But just as a familiar singer says, sometimes I'm going to have to lose. And I wouldn't want it any other way.