Show People You Care

     You know what's amazing? The way we can make incredible memories or have lasting takeaways from the most trivial tasks or minute assignments. At the very end of my sophomore year of high school, only one final exam stood between me and summer break: health. The night before, I wasn't the least bit concerned about passing or getting a good grade, but my mom still wanted me to study. Not only that, she decided that it would help if my brother and sister helped me study for the final that I had been the least concerned about (in hindsight, probably should have asked for help on the Spanish one...). When they walked through the study guide with me (which was a test bank), they were amused by some of the fake answers. One question asked about the causes of a heart attack, and a fake answer was "it just happens no one knows why" - and written that way, without any punctuation or capitalization. Another question asked about the best way to give CPR, which featured the fake answer of "in the bathtub". Seven years later, and "it just happens no one knows why" is still used as an inside joke among us.

     All of this is to say, sometimes the best memories we make or takeaways we have come when we least expect them. One life lesson that I learned in college was to show people you care. This is one that was learned gradually, but all came together my senior year. In my final semester of college, I was in a sales force management class, a class that I wasn't thrilled about taking but needed for my major at the time. Early on in the semester, one of the assignments was to watch a college commencement speech given by...Lou Holtz, a longtime college football coach (most notably at Notre Dame) and former college football analyst on ESPN. Now, commencement speeches often get knocked for being cliche-ridden, generic, overly sentimental, and/or painstakingly long. That isn't to say that we can't listen to one and come away with no takeaways though. 

     Going in, this was one of those assignments that was more of an item to check off than something to actually do. There was going to be a question or two about in on the test, so I went ahead and listened and took some notes. When Holtz gave his advice to the grads, one thing he mentioned was to show people you care. In the moment, that didn't entirely resonate with me. But by the time the semester was wrapped up and graduation was days away, it meant a lot more. 

     What does "show people you care" look like though? Well, it can be a lot of different things. It could be offering them words of encouragement when they're going through a rough time or reaching out to them just to reach out. That could be getting lunch with them and catching up on life. That could mean a small gesture like getting them a card, writing them a letter, or getting them a cupcake. It matters less how we do it and more that we do it - that we show people that we care about them. Another good way of showing this is remembering what they say and asking them about it another time. If they say they've got a big presentation coming up this week, ask them about next time you see them or shoot them a word of encouragement on the day of it. 

     Why is it so important that we show people we care? Well, there's a few reasons at play. For starters, people tend to like it when someone asks about how they're doing or about something they previously mentioned. Or when it comes to words of encouragement, who doesn't want to be encouraged or told "good morning"? Well, maybe a person that doesn't like mornings, but I digress. Likewise, who doesn't want to spend time with their friends? Most importantly, it comes down to the message it signals: that we care about them and that they are important to us. It makes a person feel important, encouraged, and/or loved. It goes back to the saying that people may not remember what you say, but they will remember how you made them feel. 

     One caveat to note here: when showing others that you care, it needs to be genuine and authentic. The worst feeling is being used as a means for someone's personal gain. Reach out to them because you genuinely care about them and not what they can do for you. Don't let people become any more cynical than they already might be. Reach out when you don't need anything, when you just want to say "howdy". 

     I think it's also important because when someone does show a person they care, it sticks with them. It's so easy to do and doesn't take much time or effort, but we don't always do it. I'm just as guilty of this as anyone. I can think of personal touches or things to do for a friend or coworker, but I fail to actually do them. But when we actually do them, it makes a difference - and someone's day. And the thing is, there are times when the person we reach out to feels the exact same way. There have been times when I've been meaning to reach out to a friend that ended up reaching out to me. It's a pretty cool feeling! 

     Part of why this message resonated with me so much is because it went with something a college professor drilled in our brains: handwritten notes. If we had a guest speaker in class, he told us to write them a handwritten thank you note. If we interviewed with people, he told us to write them all handwritten thank you notes. His reasoning? Ask any one of them and how many emails they get in a single day and it could well be over a hundred. When you're getting that many emails, odds are they are getting skimmed, if read at all. But if you ask any one of them how many handwritten notes they get in a month, odds are they can count on one hand. There's a lot of truth to that. We get emails a lot, we get texts a lot, but it's not often we get handwritten notes or cards. Yet, it means so much to people. Walk around any office and you'll see people that have handwritten notes of appreciation on their cubicle, some that might be a few years old. The thing about handwritten notes is they take all of a few minutes to write and few dollars to buy and send. And yet they can make all the difference. 

     To close, I'm reminded by the caption to a picture my mom has. It features a quote from the great Winnie the Pooh: "Some people care too much. I think it's called love". Show people you care. Reach out to them, remember the little things, ask them about their lives and family/friends, spend time with them, get them a small gift, and/or write them a handwritten note. It's amazing how special those gestures can make us feel. But don't ask me what causes us to experience that warm fuzzy feeling that comes with those gestures. it just happens no one knows why