Outside Looking In
If one were to go and watch Disney movies from the late 1980s through the 1990s, one might notice a commonality in the protagonists: they either feel like they don't belong where they are or are seeking acceptance. Ariel wanted to be part of another world, Quasimodo wanted to experience one day out in town and be like everyone else, Belle wanted more than the provincial town she lived in, Mulan felt like she'd never live up to what her parents or society expected her to be, Hercules felt like a freak at a young age, and so on. With the possible exception of The Lion King, you can make a case that just about every Disney movie during its renaissance period features a protagonist that feels like they don't belong or is seeking acceptance. Who says the Disney formula is only about having princesses? This is also probably a good time to say there's a great sketch from the 1990s show Anamaniacs that pokes fun at this Disney formula of a character wanting more...
In reality, a protagonist that feels like an outside or looking for acceptance isn't limited to Disney. Anastasia, a non-Disney animated film that came out during the 1990s, features that same message of an orphan looking to find her family and a place where she'll belong. The entire Harry Potter series centers around a kid/teenager that grew up as an outcast. Other examples include Shrek, Edward Scissorhands, The Sixth Sense (Haley Joel Osment's character), Forrest Gump, and so on.
Countless movies and books are made and published that center around a character that feels like they don't belong and/or wants to belong and be accepted. Like underdogs, outsiders manage to take on a similar level of sympathy from the masses. People are able to identify with that feeling of not belonging and feeling like they never will. Though I can only speak for myself, it is definitely something I can relate to -- and something that I've struggled with.
For a long time, I struggled with feeling like I was always on the "outside looking in" when it came to fitting in. I could find myself with a group of friends or acquaintances but feel like something was just missing. I would physically be present and understand what was being said, but at the same time have no idea what everyone was talking about. I would always feel like I was missing something and therefore not fully able to contribute to the conversation. I could blend in to just about any group of friends, but at the same time, never truly be a part of any group. It was a nice way to get to know and meet people, but also a struggle of not truly knowing people and feeling like I missed out in a way.
For me, it was in college that I came to this realization - and that was where it hit me the hardest. I found myself looking back to middle and high school and realizing that I faced that same struggle without fully knowing it. There were times in college after an event where everyone would form these social circles and start talking to one another and I found myself on the outside looking in - literally. I always felt like I was the one wandering around from group to group trying to listen in and become a part of the social circle. Sometimes it worked, other times I walked around until I could find a group of friend I could talk with. Even then, I would still feel like I didn't bring much to the table. I could crack a joke or two, but that was about it. And that hurt.
Feeling like an outsider cuts deep. The worst part of it was that the only person telling me this was me. It made me believe that I didn't belong and that I probably never would. There were times when I would confide this in friends, where they would reassure me that I wasn't an outsider, that I did belong. The problem was that at the time, it didn't help. In some ways, it made me feel more out of the loop. I knew people didn't look at me that way, but I still found myself feeling that same way nonetheless. There were times where my friends would hang out and later ask where I was, to which I'd tell them I was never invited and/or told. On top of feeling like an outsider, I started feeling left out, too.
The thing about being an outsider is that it can be hard for others to grasp. People see you there physically and assume you’re completely there. If you look interested (or just don’t look sad or upset), it is assumed you are fine. And rarely (if ever) is anyone actively going to go up to someone and say "You're an outsider." It's something that happens more naturally, not because people are actively trying to exclude you.
This outsider struggle was an uphill battle for me in college. However, about a year ago, that struggle finally changed. There was a Saturday night where I just couldn't fall asleep and found those same thoughts racing through my head. And that's when this one thought finally hit me: God doesn't think I'm an outsider. In that moment, I finally pieced it all together. A good friend in college once said to me "there are no outsiders in the Kingdom of God", but I didn't fully understand what she meant until that night. In my time in Houston, I have noticed that shift, especially since that night. I no longer find myself viewing things in terms of being an "insider" or "outsider". I don't find myself uttering that lie anymore. And it's had an overall positive impact on my life.
At one point or another, a person is going to feel like an outsider or like they don't belong. The important point is understanding that one is not an outsider - that one never was. When I touched on this struggle to a friend in Houston once, she told me that I belong. Knowing that God and my friends don't view me as the outsider I kept telling myself I was has made all the difference. On the screens at church, before the service begins, they sometimes display a simple message, one that's resonated with me: You Belong Here. We all do - and we always did.
In reality, a protagonist that feels like an outside or looking for acceptance isn't limited to Disney. Anastasia, a non-Disney animated film that came out during the 1990s, features that same message of an orphan looking to find her family and a place where she'll belong. The entire Harry Potter series centers around a kid/teenager that grew up as an outcast. Other examples include Shrek, Edward Scissorhands, The Sixth Sense (Haley Joel Osment's character), Forrest Gump, and so on.
Countless movies and books are made and published that center around a character that feels like they don't belong and/or wants to belong and be accepted. Like underdogs, outsiders manage to take on a similar level of sympathy from the masses. People are able to identify with that feeling of not belonging and feeling like they never will. Though I can only speak for myself, it is definitely something I can relate to -- and something that I've struggled with.
For a long time, I struggled with feeling like I was always on the "outside looking in" when it came to fitting in. I could find myself with a group of friends or acquaintances but feel like something was just missing. I would physically be present and understand what was being said, but at the same time have no idea what everyone was talking about. I would always feel like I was missing something and therefore not fully able to contribute to the conversation. I could blend in to just about any group of friends, but at the same time, never truly be a part of any group. It was a nice way to get to know and meet people, but also a struggle of not truly knowing people and feeling like I missed out in a way.
For me, it was in college that I came to this realization - and that was where it hit me the hardest. I found myself looking back to middle and high school and realizing that I faced that same struggle without fully knowing it. There were times in college after an event where everyone would form these social circles and start talking to one another and I found myself on the outside looking in - literally. I always felt like I was the one wandering around from group to group trying to listen in and become a part of the social circle. Sometimes it worked, other times I walked around until I could find a group of friend I could talk with. Even then, I would still feel like I didn't bring much to the table. I could crack a joke or two, but that was about it. And that hurt.
Feeling like an outsider cuts deep. The worst part of it was that the only person telling me this was me. It made me believe that I didn't belong and that I probably never would. There were times when I would confide this in friends, where they would reassure me that I wasn't an outsider, that I did belong. The problem was that at the time, it didn't help. In some ways, it made me feel more out of the loop. I knew people didn't look at me that way, but I still found myself feeling that same way nonetheless. There were times where my friends would hang out and later ask where I was, to which I'd tell them I was never invited and/or told. On top of feeling like an outsider, I started feeling left out, too.
The thing about being an outsider is that it can be hard for others to grasp. People see you there physically and assume you’re completely there. If you look interested (or just don’t look sad or upset), it is assumed you are fine. And rarely (if ever) is anyone actively going to go up to someone and say "You're an outsider." It's something that happens more naturally, not because people are actively trying to exclude you.
This outsider struggle was an uphill battle for me in college. However, about a year ago, that struggle finally changed. There was a Saturday night where I just couldn't fall asleep and found those same thoughts racing through my head. And that's when this one thought finally hit me: God doesn't think I'm an outsider. In that moment, I finally pieced it all together. A good friend in college once said to me "there are no outsiders in the Kingdom of God", but I didn't fully understand what she meant until that night. In my time in Houston, I have noticed that shift, especially since that night. I no longer find myself viewing things in terms of being an "insider" or "outsider". I don't find myself uttering that lie anymore. And it's had an overall positive impact on my life.
At one point or another, a person is going to feel like an outsider or like they don't belong. The important point is understanding that one is not an outsider - that one never was. When I touched on this struggle to a friend in Houston once, she told me that I belong. Knowing that God and my friends don't view me as the outsider I kept telling myself I was has made all the difference. On the screens at church, before the service begins, they sometimes display a simple message, one that's resonated with me: You Belong Here. We all do - and we always did.
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