I Lost the (Comparison) Game
When I was in high school, it was common to hear someone in class say "I lost the game". Right after one person said this, multiple people would then say that they lost the game, too. The thing about this "game" was that it is a game that everyone is playing, even if they didn't know it. However, if one thinks about this game, then one loses the game and has to say "I lost the game". While I have "lost" that particular game plenty of times, I've never been mad or sad about it. However, there is one game that I can't stand (no, it isn't Monopoly). I've never able to win this game, yet I still find myself "playing" it anyway: the Comparison Game.
Truth be told, the Comparison Game isn't a "game" in the way that Monopoly, tag, Duck-Duck-Goose, or Uno are games. It's not even a game in the way that high school game is, either. Still, the effects of playing -- and inevitably losing -- are tremendous. Everyone plays the Comparison Game at some point, but no one ever wins it. The comparison game produces no "winners" because it is only designed to produce disappointed "losers".
So...what exactly is the comparison game? Well, it's something that we do just about every day: comparing ourselves to others, society's expectations, and other's expectations. The things that get compared can truly be anything: intelligence, wealth, athleticism, beauty/looks, performance, our achievements, our possessions, or any one of our natural abilities. Any given one of these metrics can be compared at any time. It matters less what we're comparing and more what the result of the comparing yields: disappointment. We're disappointed because when we compare ourselves to others, we realize that there are people out there smarter than us, faster than us, wealthier than us, and so forth. We also may find disappointment because we learn that others have skills and abilities that we can only dream of having, such as athleticism or charisma. Even at our best, there's people out there that are just "better" at certain things than we are. Naturally, we can get disappointed, discouraged, and feel defeated by this. We equate this to meaning that we're not good enough and we just don't measure up. There's other people out there better than us, and there always will be. In that regard, we lose. But the reason that we lose isn't for the reason that we think. We don't lose because there's someone out there better than us. We lose because we put our identity and self-worth in skill sets and traits that we perceive others to be better at (or have more of) than ourselves.
The Comparison Game tells us that there are people out there better than us. And you know what? There is truth to that. But the dirty little secret is that everyone feels this way. There are over 7 Billion people in the world. There's always going to be someone faster, smarter, wiser, wealthier, or more attractive than we are. There's always going to be someone that we perceive to be "better" than we are. But that doesn't make us a "lesser" person. That's the mistake we make when we perceive others being better at certain things; we equate them being better at something to mean that they're a better person than we are.
Is there a way to win the Comparison Game? Well, we can avoid losing by never partaking in it. However, that's much easier said than done, especially in an age of social media that only compounds this very issue. The only way we truly can come out on top is by what we place our identity and self-worth in. If we place it in worldly possessions and skills, we never will win. It is only when we place our identity in something greater than this world (not just ourselves) that we can achieve that peace of mind and happiness. For me, that means having my identity in Christ. On our own, we're not good enough. But through Christ and Christ alone, we are good enough. While this is something that's also easier said than done, it's something I'm working on living out each and every day.
I'm always up for a game night. Whether that's playing cards, board games, or one of those games when you're on teams, I'm in. Just don't sign me up for the Comparison Game. I'd much rather play Uno or Catan instead.
Truth be told, the Comparison Game isn't a "game" in the way that Monopoly, tag, Duck-Duck-Goose, or Uno are games. It's not even a game in the way that high school game is, either. Still, the effects of playing -- and inevitably losing -- are tremendous. Everyone plays the Comparison Game at some point, but no one ever wins it. The comparison game produces no "winners" because it is only designed to produce disappointed "losers".
So...what exactly is the comparison game? Well, it's something that we do just about every day: comparing ourselves to others, society's expectations, and other's expectations. The things that get compared can truly be anything: intelligence, wealth, athleticism, beauty/looks, performance, our achievements, our possessions, or any one of our natural abilities. Any given one of these metrics can be compared at any time. It matters less what we're comparing and more what the result of the comparing yields: disappointment. We're disappointed because when we compare ourselves to others, we realize that there are people out there smarter than us, faster than us, wealthier than us, and so forth. We also may find disappointment because we learn that others have skills and abilities that we can only dream of having, such as athleticism or charisma. Even at our best, there's people out there that are just "better" at certain things than we are. Naturally, we can get disappointed, discouraged, and feel defeated by this. We equate this to meaning that we're not good enough and we just don't measure up. There's other people out there better than us, and there always will be. In that regard, we lose. But the reason that we lose isn't for the reason that we think. We don't lose because there's someone out there better than us. We lose because we put our identity and self-worth in skill sets and traits that we perceive others to be better at (or have more of) than ourselves.
The Comparison Game tells us that there are people out there better than us. And you know what? There is truth to that. But the dirty little secret is that everyone feels this way. There are over 7 Billion people in the world. There's always going to be someone faster, smarter, wiser, wealthier, or more attractive than we are. There's always going to be someone that we perceive to be "better" than we are. But that doesn't make us a "lesser" person. That's the mistake we make when we perceive others being better at certain things; we equate them being better at something to mean that they're a better person than we are.
Is there a way to win the Comparison Game? Well, we can avoid losing by never partaking in it. However, that's much easier said than done, especially in an age of social media that only compounds this very issue. The only way we truly can come out on top is by what we place our identity and self-worth in. If we place it in worldly possessions and skills, we never will win. It is only when we place our identity in something greater than this world (not just ourselves) that we can achieve that peace of mind and happiness. For me, that means having my identity in Christ. On our own, we're not good enough. But through Christ and Christ alone, we are good enough. While this is something that's also easier said than done, it's something I'm working on living out each and every day.
I'm always up for a game night. Whether that's playing cards, board games, or one of those games when you're on teams, I'm in. Just don't sign me up for the Comparison Game. I'd much rather play Uno or Catan instead.
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