Shifting Perspectives

     A while back on the Internet, I stumbled across a quote that was a stunning realization: that a different version of ourselves exists in the minds of everyone that knows us. It's really amazing to think about - we encounter people at different times in our lives. Our high school friends, college friends, coworkers, family members, and so on are all going to have a different version of who we are in their minds. And this doesn't even take in to account one other person's perspective: our own. The way that we view ourselves can be completely different from the way others view us.

     They say that everybody's a critic (and sites like Yelp make that possible), and sometimes our own worst critic is actually ourselves. Our critical selves can create this completely distorted image of ourselves in our minds. We pick up on flaws or insecurities that others miss or don't really see - and then wonder how they could possibly miss them. They become all we can ever think about. We think about all of the different thoughts racing through our minds, thoughts that no one ever hears about because we're afraid to share them with others. We also may be playing the dreaded "comparison game" and feel like we'll never measure up to others. We also think about our past experiences and how those have shaped us in to the person that we are. With those ones, if the past experiences are bad ones that still haunt us, it makes it easy to still get caught up in those former versions of ourselves, no matter how many times people tell us we're awesome. 

     In The Lion King, Simba, believing he was responsible for his father's death, spent years running away from his past (figuratively and literally). He refused to confront that past issue, deciding that he can't go back because of what he thought he did. When his childhood friend Nala finds him, she's puzzled because she sees him as the rightful heir that needs to go home and take charge, but all Simba can see is a cub that killed his father and can never go back. Simba's perspective only changes when Rafiki talks to him about the past. He explains to him that the past can really hurt, but that we can either choose to learn from it or run away from it.

     The problem that Simba faced when he tried to run away from his past was that he never outran it. He still had that lingering guilt and uneasiness about what had happened, no matter how many times he said "Hakuna Matata". It was only when he confronted it that something changed - and when he learned the truth that Mufasa's death wasn't his fault. Now, our pasts may not be as extreme as Simba's, but that doesn't mean that it still can't seem insurmountable or something that we just can't overcome. We take one look at ourselves in the mirror...and all we can ever see is that former version of ourselves. We may be completely different from them, but those past fears and insecurities still live on in our minds. And those past fears become something that we just can't outrun or stop, no matter how many compliments we receive from others. 

     In what comes as a surprise to no one, I'm not a fan of confrontation. Naturally, confronting past fears and insecurities isn't exactly my cup of tea coffee. Lately, I have found past fears and insecurities resurfacing: fears that I'm not good enough and never will be, fears that I will never reach my potential, and this overarching feeling that I still am an anxious, insecure middle school student. It's not who I am, but it's the person that's managed to linger in my mind - especially when I fall short in one way or another. Living that way is no way to live - and the only way to stop it is to confront those fears and insecurities. It's a process that takes time, but a necessary one. We can't control the way others view us, but we can control the way we view ourselves and what we tell ourselves.

     This past week, on a few different occasions, when I looked myself in the mirror, I had the distinct and clear realization that I'm not that anxious middle school student - and haven't been for nearly a decade. Letting go those past pains is hard, especially when we let them define us. But if we don't let go of those pains, we'll never grow. We'll also never fully love ourselves. And if we don't love ourselves, how are we ever going to love others?

     This morning at church, there was one song they played that made me think of these struggles I've been going through. The song was called "Clean" by Natalie Grant. The opening part of the song talks about how what we see as "shattered" and "broken", God sees as "whole" and "beautiful". The chorus goes on to say that we are washed in God's mercy and made clean. Another song that's meant a lot to me lately is "I Won't Let You Go" by Switchfoot, particularly one line in the song that mentions letting go of past pains. God will never let us go and wants us, more than we'll ever know. It's up to us to let Him and Christ in to our own lives. I know this can come across as cliche and is something that's easier said than done, but it's true. God is pretty good at using broken, ordinary people to do beautiful, extraordinary things. If we want to change the way we view ourselves, we should start with remembering the way God looks at us: that He loves us unconditionally, that there's nothing we could do to change us, and that He gave up His son for us.

     At the end of the day, how we view ourselves comes down to what we truly believe about ourselves. It's amazing what the power of belief can do to us - just look at the placebo effect. If we change the way we view ourselves, it makes all the difference. Now, this doesn't mean that we should turn in to prideful narcissists that - far from it. However, we can be confident in who we are and have a positive self-image of ourselves. Only when we do that can we truly say "Hakuna Matata".

Middle school, like my mop-headed hair, is thankfully in the past.